Free browser-based laptop alarm — it detects mouse movement, keystrokes and any unwanted touch the moment you step away.
Don't be fooled by the face. Sgt. Biscuit is a certified menace with a spotless record. One touch of your mouse or keyboard while he's on duty and the cuteness ends instantly.
SET YOUR SECRET KNOCK — TAP 4 IN ORDER
Desk Guard is a free "don't touch my laptop" alarm that runs entirely in your browser — and it works just as well as a "don't touch my computer" alarm for desktop PCs. Pick a guard — a barking dog, a hissing cat, or a silent stealth mouse — set a secret knock, and step away. If anyone touches it, the guard catches them.
The page watches for mouse movement, keyboard presses, scrolling, clicks and window switching. One touch triggers the alarm: barking (or yowling), a giant flashing CAUGHT YOU screen and an escalating voice warning until your secret knock is entered. You then get a shareable citation naming the exact time and evidence.
Yes — Desk Guard is effectively Don't Touch My Phone for laptops and desktop computers. There's no emulator, app store or download involved: it's a single web page that works on Windows, Mac, Linux and Chromebooks.
Use the stealth guard, Agent Squeak. Your screen becomes a fake sleeping clock while every touch of the mouse or keyboard is silently timestamped. The snoop sees nothing — when you return and enter your secret corner-knock, you get a private report of exactly when your computer was touched. It records only that contact happened, never what was typed — it is not a keylogger. Full guide: 5 ways to tell if someone touched your laptop →
No. Desk Guard is one web page — no install, no account, no sign-up. Nothing you do is uploaded anywhere; the intrusion log lives only in your browser and disappears when you close the tab.
Honestly: no — it's a loud, funny deterrent for offices, classrooms, dorms and cafés, not a security product. It watches this screen while the tab has focus; a locked account is real protection (Windows key + L, or Ctrl + Cmd + Q on a Mac). Think of Desk Guard as the guard dog that shames your coworker, not a vault.
That's half the point. It's one of those funny websites to leave open on a coworker's computer — arm the dog with a knock only you know and enjoy the barking from across the office. Be kind: disarm them eventually.
Hands off. Walk away.
GUARDS THIS SCREEN & TAB FOCUS ONLY
ENTER THE SECRET KNOCK OR THE ALARM FIRES
Owner of this laptop? Prove it — tap the secret knock.
And yes: the cute thing was an act.